My children and I share the gift of non-sequiturs and pearls of wisdom that only make sense from the insides of our own brains…
I’ve found that autocorrect has gotten lazier than it used to be when I’m off by only one letter (like vhair instead of chair – it used to autocorrect that instantly, now it just leaves the glaring error and takes a nap.) And yet it will be so presumptuous as to change my intentionally typed “biatch” into “biotech”.
I actually told my sleep-allergic 2 and 1/2 year old, “If you don’t lie down right now, I’m putting you in time-out.” Time-out from what, sitting up straight in his bed? I’ve lost it.
Sometimes I think James Bond isn’t talking to Moneypenny, he’s actually requesting a mani-pedi.
Recycled thought #1: I find the car-bra to be much more of an unsightly eyesore than whatever blemish you’re trying to protect your car from.
Recycled thought #2: I’m much less inclined to donate my used automobile as a result of enduring the 1-877-KARS-4-KIDS song.
Kidsdom (aka, random gems from the brains of my 2 & 1/2 and 5 year old):
Little guy, rubbing my arm in the dark from his bed: “Mommy, I’m putting sunscreen on you.”
Big guy: “Did you know that girls say ‘doing’ and boys say ‘doin’?”
Big guy, watching Paw Patrol: “Marshall and Zuma both have water cannons. They’re both good at water.”
Little guy: “The opposite of under is underwear!”
Me to big guy: “Who won the game?”
Him: “Mommy, it’s not a won game. It’s just a normal game.”
Little guy on July 1st: “Now it’s the month of Saturday!”
Little guy rejecting my brother’s pool: “This pool is too wet.”
Big guy: “I don’t feel well good.”
Little guy while driving around the neighborhood: “This school building doesn’t move, it stays on the ground.”
Big guy, discovering puberty?… “When you grow up from a baby, you get a different voice.”
Big guy (I hope he pronounces it this way for a long, long time): “Yew Nork City”
Little guy, distracted from falling asleep by my polka-dot pattern dress: “I want these beautiful decorations!”
Big guy, learning to read more and more by the day: “The P and the H make an ‘F’ sound when the P and the H are next-together.”
Little guy after birthday party: “Mommy did you have fun at the party?”
Me: “Yes it was fun!”
Him: “Me agree!”
My mom asks big guy: “Do you want to play tennis with me?”
Him: “No, I’m not meant to play tennis.”